“Why am I here?”
“What is the meaning of life?”
Everyone seems to be seeking their path, their life’s purpose, their Dharma.
When you are following your path and living your Dharma you are living in accordance with your true nature, which brings a sense of complete harmony.
This whole notion of having a “path” is still aborning and is something I am figuring out little by little. Sometimes I am afraid of answering, to you, because it might sound like the ramblings of an incoherent person. But here is a small attempt and insight into how I found my path.
When I first came to Costa Rica and bought Blue Osa with Adam back in 2007 the vision was clear; to create a yoga ashram and community. I wanted to create a sanctuary. In that sanctuary, I was being called to do what I am doing now; to hold space for immersions and allow people to really transform.
But for some reason, I fought it for a long time. I tried to turn Blue Osa into something it was never supposed to be, several times! And each time I failed. A classic example of this was when I tried to make Blue Osa a surf and yoga center. For three years I tried and failed. Why was I trying so hard? That’s not who I am, that was not what Blue Osa was supposed to be.
I also tried to separate myself from it, to separate the egos of the place. When I left New York I had a huge identity crisis. I knew I would face an inner struggle, but thought it would be over in one or two years, and then I would have a life-altering epiphany and everything would be much easier. I did not know it would last this long and that I would struggle this much!
Along the way, I continued dipping my toe into the pool of who I was meant to be, yet kept backing off with thoughts of “It should look different than this”, “It should be bigger than this” or “I don’t want to be stuck here doing this”. I also realized I had a lot of fear about what I have been doing, which has been below the surface of everything for a long time.
Another call I felt was to adopt a child. I felt this so strongly when I left New York in 2010, but then this was pushed to the side due to the busyness of life, fear of the unknown and the struggles associated with adoption. Now it is something I am in the process of, and remarkably, it is flowing so effortlessly (little Shiva might be here within the year!)
Finally, about a year or so ago, I started to change this track of fear. I have been continuously and consistently addressing it within myself intensively over the last six months. A hugely beneficial practice I use is “The Dark Man Of Sin”, and in this practice, I have confronted a lot of dark places within myself and then systematically eliminated them. It is shocking to think of how much of my energy and pranic life force has gone into maintaining fears, shame, and limiting beliefs.
So what does my path look like in practical terms now? It is owning what I know I am meant to be doing – teaching. I wrote this post two years ago, but now it has taken on a completely different meaning.
Last year I lead four yoga teacher training immersions, and this year I will lead five. I am bringing more and more teachers into the Blue Osa fold and directing the vision to this path. And even since those words have been uttered, the shifts have been transformative. Bookings have exponentiated and ‘thriving’ has taken on a whole new meaning.
Blue Osa has become an international destination for yoga practice, study, and self-transformation. I encourage students to go deep within, to observe, to do the self-work necessary to realize their life path. This is not an easy task! Finding your path goes beyond logic and requires you to connect with your highest self in order to understand who you truly are and why you are here.
In summary, I surrendered to the mission and path that was so clear to me back in 2007. I have learned to delegate and ask for help, and my wonderful team continues to grow. Each time I have diverted from the path it has always failed or consumed too much energy. But when I stay on the path that my Dharma is asking me to be on, things flow much more effortlessly.
It is only once we discover and act out our true calling that we experience a genuine sense of fulfillment in life. So my advice to you is take notice of what feels right, what happens organically when do things flow easily in your life – that is what you should be doing!
“It is better to live your own Dharma imperfectly, than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.”