I Don't Care How I Look. I Care How I Feel

What would the older me like to say to my younger me?

I am 44.

I just turned 44.

My older self would tell my younger self, “Chill out! Don’t worry about how much you weigh. Don’t worry about what you look like! Take care of yourself!”

My older self would tell my younger self:

Eat well and eat clean food.

Exercise every day.

And remember to enjoy life!

I used to be obsessed with putting on weight in my twenties. I used to weigh a consistent 165 lbs. I used to check the scale all the time. “Have I put on any weight yet?” “Did I gain another pound?”

And for the past three / four years, I have been checking the scale to see if I have lost any weight. And feeling perpetually frustrated. I have been feeling perpetually annihilated.

And then something happened.

I took a turn for the worse.

I gained 25 lbs in what seemed to take place overnight.

When I finally got over the shock of what happened, I started to seek help. I knew instinctively something was wrong with me. First, I went to a natural path, which told me my cortisol levels were low. Then sold me a lot of naturopathic medicines.

Nothing changed.

Then I went to the health food store, and bought a lot of “fat burners.”

Nothing changed.

Then I went to my doctor. After some discussion, he said that while my cortisol levels could be off, he was going to bet everything I had developed Candida Albicans.

Candida is a type of yeast that lives in your gut. Apparently, a little is useful, but a lot will mess with your metabolism and digestion. Normally, people don’t have to deal with it.

Candida will grow exponentially when you have been on antibiotics. Antibiotics will destroy all the healthy bacteria in your gut. When this happens, it takes over and then the Candida is really difficult to get rid of.

With my doctor’s advice, I started a particular medication to destroy the Candida, coupled with bacteria. I also started to include more foods in my diet such as sauerkraut and yogurt to help increase my healthy bacteria. I also systematically started to cut out all sugars.

Finally, after a couple of months, I started to see a drastic change and improvement. But I knew I needed to take more steps. My metabolism had started to turn off. During the day, I was feeling more and more sluggish. And my yoga practice was feeling dull.

I no longer cared about how I looked or what number was on the scale. What I cared about was feeling good again.

I wanted to feel like Aaron again.

Since then, I have taken a lot of steps to get my health and energy back. And as a byproduct, my body is becoming a lean working machine again. For the first time in so many years, I feel physically strong and powerful.

One of the steps I have taken is to work with a health coach. Every week, she holds me accountable. She keeps me focused. Every week I speak to her, she reminds me why I am following a program.

Each week, my health coach reminds me all the time, “Aaron, we are in this for the long haul. We are not looking for short-term results. I want you to have a strong image of who you want to be in your mind when you are 50 years old. Have the image at the forefront of your mind as you workout. Hold that image firm as you are drinking your water and eating food that supports this vision of yourself.

I live in this body. And if I wear it out, where would I live?

Every day, this affirmation, which is my prayer is said as a reminder. This prayer supports me to remember what is important. What is important is to do things every day which supports my body, which in turn supports my mind, which then supports my path to attain the goal if this life.

“I am younger today than I was yesterday.

I am healed and in a perfect state of health.

This body is the vehicle for my soul.

I nurture and care for my body which radiates perfect health.

Each day my body is nurtured, exercised and cared for.

And my mind is eager to make decisions that support my optimal health.

There is no fear in my life, my mind and this body.

There are only limitless possibilities.”

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I look like. At the end of the day, what matters is how I feel. At the end of the day, what matters is how vibrant and alive I feel in this body.

Life is too short to be stuck in a limiting body because I chose laziness over self-care and action. I chose life. And more, I chose to do and be as much in my life as I possibly can.

 

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